Trying to stay positive… It seems impossible right now. This flare is still ongoing and has only gotten worse. Seems to have spread and I am even more dry and flaky. The tiny blisters which I only had on my palm are now trying to make themselves at home on the backs of my fingers again, like they did really early in my withdrawal.
I am tired of people asking if I am sun burned or those people who say nothing but stare at me like I can’t see. YES, I DO see you staring at my face. How rude some people are. I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me it’s going to be okay. That this flare will die down soon, but it has been 8 weeks of this, with the past month being the worst, and still no end in sight. I am constantly fighting down feelings of sadness and hopelessness. Will this EVER end?!?? I feel alone. My friends are all enjoying summer and I am hiding out like a hermit. Yesterday my mom had to come over and cut my grass, because I cannot stand to be out in the heat and with the mosquitoes. I am so thankful for her. She has been so supportive and always picking me up when I am down.
I wish I had something more positive or inspirational to say right now, but today I just need to vent, and let the cries of my heart out. I need some hope. I need some sign that I am healing. I cannot stop worrying about how much worse this will get.
I am clinging to this Bible verse right now, which I found randomly one night when pleading with God to help me..
“This is what The Lord, The God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.” 2 Kings 20:5